Are you ready to find out how far the animals have progressed in their endeavor to take over the world?
Here we go…
A Texas man, diving off the southwest coast of Australia died over the weekend in an apparent shark attack. Officials are taking this latest attack, the third in just two months, very serious. They have organized an aggressive hunt for the shark with orders that it be destroyed on sight. Rumors are flying. Locals believe that they are dealing with a “rogue” shark who has developed a taste for human flesh. Um…duh. Of course, experts scoff at this idea and warn that killing the shark goes against conservation efforts to protect the endangered species. As usual, the experts don’t know shit. To me, it looks like the animals have deployed the big guns Down Under. They have called in the ninja shark assassins. No one is safe now. My advice – stay the hell out of the water! [Click for story]
Near Vancouver Island, a man mistakenly shot his friend when he mistook him for a bear. The two men were camping near the Nitinat River. During the night, one man was awoken by what he thought were the sounds of a bear trying to break into the tent. Instead of trying to first identify the source of the ruckus, he pulled out his gun and began firing randomly, in the direction of the sounds. He hit his camping buddy, who was still asleep, in the face and arms. The man will recover, however, there is a valuable lesson to be learned here – tents are for stupid people; be smart, spring for the hotel room. [Click for story]
A Minnesota man was enjoying some peace and quiet on the porch of his cabin last month, when he felt what he thought was a mosquito brush the back of his neck. Imagine his surprise when he reached back to swat it, only to come in contact with a wet, furry nose. He turned around and found himself face to face with a bear. Having obviously read the manual on how to survive a bear attack, the man did not move a muscle. He sat motionless as he bear stared at him for several seconds before becoming interested in a nearby bird feeder. Still, the man didn’t dare move from his spot. It was a good thing, too. A few minutes later the bear returned to the porch and proceeded to thoroughly sniff his face. Eventually, the bear lost interest and wondered off for good. I think this animal might be one of the few that has not turned against the humans, though, I’m sure that is of little consequence to this man who likely had to change to soiled undies immediately following this encounter. [Click here]
Last week in Newport, Oregon, a surfer was lucky enough to survive what could have been a deadly attack by a Great White. In classic Great White style, the animal attacked from below, lifting the surfer up into the air. Fortunately, the only thing the shark got its teeth into was the man’s board. Beaches were closed as officials kept an eye out for the shark. It seems that Australia’s ninja shark assassins are infiltrating our western coast, as well. Though, this one does not seem as skilled as it’s Aussie friends. The victim, who was understandably shaken by the incident, says he is done with surfing. Finally, a surfer with common sense. [Click here]
Just in case you were not aware of what a classic Great White attack involves:
And lastly, we have the Utah hiker who came across two moose – a male and a female – and decided the only logical thing to was approach them and capture them on film. Thanks to the magic of YouTube, I can bring this man’s stupidity to you. It’s okay to laugh out loud. I did.