That’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it.
What does it matter, anyway? It’s Tuesday and I’m giving you what you want a day early. Surely, that earns me some forgiveness. Yes?
You say, you didn’t notice my lack of post last week? I’m crushed.
Well, for those of you who do care, here are what the animals have been up to since we last met. Enjoy.
**edit** Special thanks to my brother, Rob, for providing me with leads on more than a couple stories used in this weeks blog.
In Newport, Pennsylvania, a bear followed the family dog home and attacked its owners, landing them both in the emergency room with gashes and bite marks. Wardens believe that the bear, likely a female, felt somehow threatened by the dog. Bullshit. That dog is a traitor, a turncoat, the Benedict Arnold of the canine world. As I’ve said for sometime now, there is a conspiracy afoot. This dog is in on it. Remember the biblical story of Jericho? The prostitute Rahab? She let two of Joshua’s spies into the city and protected them until the onslaught of the siege that destroyed everyone but her. Do you see the correlation here? I do. You can read more about this story [here].
If you are an unlucky golfer whose ball ends up in a hazard lake after a shot gone awry, you might want to reconsider going in after it. Why, you ask? Because you just might get eaten by a killer bull shark. Ridiculous? Nope. Just ask the folks at Carbrook Golf Club in Brisbane, Australia. That’s right. After recent floods in the area, the lakes on the golf course have become shark infested water. Seems the shark population in Australia is taking this war on humans very serious. They are expanding the scope of their killing spree to include golfers. You can read more about this story [here].
A woman was attacked by a mule deer near her home in a rural area of Idaho last week. The deer also injured the man who came to her rescue. The article [read here] states the woman tried to play dead in order to discourage the attack. Silly, misguided woman. Everyone knows that playing dead only works in event of a black bear attack. See the photo below:
In New Hampshire, it took nine of Manchester’s finest to pull a stubborn moose from a backyard swimming pool. Not really an attack, I know, but what struck me about this story is the assumption by the everyone involved that the animal was in distress. I don’t think that at all. I think he saw an opportunity to kick back and relax. The swimming pool wasn’t in use. Who was he hurting? No one. Listen up, guys. The next time you see a moose your backyard swimming pool, leave it alone. It’s just looking for some quiet time. Mating season is hard on a fellow. You can see the video and read a bit more [here].
And last but not least…
A bicyclist was picked off by an antelope during a cross-country race in South Africa. This was a strategic attack, well planned, and brilliantly executed on the part of the antelope. This animal is surely the species’ most competent assassin, likely trained by elite fighters determined to take down the humans one biker at a time. I applaud this animal on its accuracy and have now crossed mountain biking across Africa off my bucket lists. Take a minute and watch for yourself.